Resolutions

There used to be a time when I used to tell folks that my new year resolution is not to make any resolutions and break them. After which, I'll launch an explanation about how, technically(yawn), in saying so, I actually broke my resolution already. And then I'd lecture people on how rules, resolutions and promises are made so its a lot more fun when you break them(somebody please stop me).

Ok so this year I've decided to do and not do(or un-do if u please) several things.

1) First and foremost, I wanna try a lotta new things this year. I have it all neatly sketched. See? We start with underwater push-ups and then slowly graduate into Jumping from tall buildings and documenting all results of my research and publish a book on "A million ways to hurt yourself". Later I'd fake my own death and start all over as a spy...Hmmm let's see...Jason Bourne would be fine.

2) I'ma stop hating myself and being bored with myself for a change and direct all that hatred and frustration at you. Yes you, scum. Now why don't you take shotgun stuff it into your mouth(because there's practically no difference between your mouth and your other mouth(which again depends on whether u r male or female)Note to self: Include multiple Bracketing in the resolution) and blow your brains out. Whew! That felt exhilarating.

3) Next I'm gonna stop writing sensitive sensible stuff that carry a message(oh so gentle) and start churning out complete crap. Am sure you'll still come around or I'll break this resolution. (I'm boring myself to death can I take back number 2??)

3.5) I'm gonna stop numbering my posts or breaking them into multiple paragraphs unnecessarily. The plan here is to chop a finger of my hand every time I do that. And when I run outta fingers...Lets cross the Bridge when we come to it.

3.75) I shall press enter four or five times (there goes all of 'em on my right hand) so you cant read my post from the front page. This way I'm filtering out everyone who doesn't give a shit and I'm also conveying a message.."Neither do I."

4) To Complete Everything I....

5) I'm gonna stop feeling bad about somebody taking a very coveted Blog title on Blogger, namely, Ramblings of an Infectious Mind.

6) To end all posts with a message.
===============
Message: Fuck thyself.

Him -> Classified

Clad in shorts at home. Relaxing beyond reason. Unkempt and crass. Body Odor. Hairy Chest and legs. Un-toned body. Healthy. Ogles at women. Stuffs grub up his...er....mouth in a very unruly and barbaric manner. Eats more than he can digest. Eats when bored. Eats for the heck of it. Unclean. Touches himself ever so often sans regret. Is in physical pain more often than not. Bores the shit outta people while talking. Totally uninteresting. Looks up for help. Wants to Reinvent. Wants a personal style thats all his. Wants to look good, clean, healthy adn SANE!! Always neatly clad. To be disciplined somewhere down the line. To have enrgy ebbing out. Doesn't want bad body odor. Wants to look chik. Claswsy. Cool. Unclumsy. Funny. Interesting. Breezy. Perfect. Hgih class. Up-funda. Dress Smart. Sound Smart. Intelligent. Have a personal Brand. Crazy. T shrits adn jeans. Cologne. Shoes. Wrist Band. Beaches. Babes. Gym. Attitude. Humor. Entertainment. Music. TV shows. Anime. Cartoons. Hollywood. French Movies. DVDs. Ultra-Diction. Sophisticated. Grammatically sound English. Innovative. Crazy thought pattern. Writes well. Speaks well. Humorous. Gift of the Gab. Jack of all trades. Warm. Friendly. Good Hearted. Slick. Stylish. Adabtable. Intelligent. Hardly Working. Lazy. Complacent. Gets annoyed easily. "Wannabe". Slouch.

Spread the Joy

My armpit hair is growing long. My finger nails too. My hair is unkempt. Cant even remember when i combed it last. I have a week long stubble(if u can call it that). I'm too tired to do anything. I remember Norman Vincent Peale saying something about "Dying on the Vine". Maybe this is how it feels. The newspaper's calling out to me. I love reading them but they are just lying around now. Unscathed. I'm on hols. I was suppsed to be enjoying(lazy being a part of the package) but i guess i took it a lil too far. I have borrowed books and dvds from the library but they lie astray, spread on the floor. Hours of entertainment, just the way i love it and yet i am somehow too lazy to do anythin. I'm thinking of Going over to my aunt's place.

The Watts, Neighbors of my aunt's(whose place i went to regularly during December vacations), are really nice people. I used to have a crush on Mrs.Watts. She was a very beautiful lady and she kept giving me chocolates and I was seven or eight. I had no malicious intents believe me. I only used to like her for she was sweet to me. And a li'l too beautiful to resist. There was a really nice smell about her. Li'l Ms .Watt was my companion. Close Friend. I never let go off her side (I was told) for even a minute when we were children(read 3 - 4 years). And our parents thought we'd grow up to be a couple.

The watts celebrated Christmas really well. I learnt everything I knew about Christmas - that it was a festival of joy and its all about spreading the happiness to everyone around us - from them. They always made the smelliest Turkey(Or Chicken I didn't know I never ate it). Their house was decorated with little lights that glowed all night. They hung the star out at the Portico. They never failed to say Merry Christmas to anyone who passed by.

Last Christmas eve, I went over to my aunt's. I paid the Watt's a visit. They were goin thru a really rough patch. Papa watt got drunk way too much n hooked up with as many sluts as he could find. Li'l Ms.Watt was in school getting high on drugs and low on marks. Missus Watt (I loved to call her that) was tryina sort through this mess that became her life. When I went to their place, Just to drop by n say hullo. Yea okay also to look at my once-upon-a-time crush. The thing about Missus Watt was that, the older she got the more beautiful she became. I really don't know(nor do I want to) how her hair refuses to become gray.

So, the last time I was there, they had very little money. Who am i kidding? They had absolutely no money. Zilch. i wouldn say I was RICH, but I could spare some money. So I took the missus on my bike, drove around and bought some fancy decorative items, a huge huge star to put up in the portico...they always did that weeks before christmas they didn this time. We bought this huge tree and loads of plum cakes. We bought gifts for everyone. Papa got this really neat shirt and a copy of his own resume(a decent way of saying stop humping and start working). Baby got this book on how to quit drugs. And the missus got a really neat necklace. I admit...only 40% percent of this was goodwill. The remaing 60% was me playing out my childhood fantasies. I remember how I used to dream of becoming big and strong(like for every child, this picture of me was always close to a hybrid of my dad and superman) and driving Missus Watt around town, take her to romantic dinners, buy her rich stuff et al...And now though I couldn do most of the romance part, I still got to drive her around and buy her gifts albeit for someone else.


The entire family helped decorate the Christmas tree and the house. Somehow everyone forgot all their woes and cheered up. There were sweets distributed to all the neighbors...The Watts did that every easter. This time we decided to extend the tradition. What I did, it didn't solve anything. Except that, the missus gave me a tight hug and said It was the "best Christmas" the missus ever had. And that completed all my childhood fantasies and liberated my soul in some inexplicable way. I helped the Watts celebrate Christmas. I had my own selfish reasons to but I spread joy and it felt great. The family was all smiles. Their woes didn't end but they were happy for Christmas and that was good enough for me.


Whilst i have this sweet reverie of one of the very few good deeds I ever did, my nails still grow longer and my beard uglier. I decide to shave, bathe and chop my nails clean, get my hair cut dress smart and go over to the Watts. To see how they're doing for this Christmas. If anything, good or bad, I promised myself I'll do this every Christmas. I'll go over to the Watts and spread Joy. Christmas is all about being happy and making everyone happy. And thats exactly what I'm gonna do.

I am going to stop blogging until after Christmas. I'm going to spread Joy in the Real world. All I got is me but thats good enough. I'll make them smile. I'll make them laugh. I'll make them merry. Merry Christmas to the Watts and all of you.
===========
P.S. If u ever get a copy of "Tell no one" by Harlen Coben...I suggest u own it. Its a very good read. There's also a French film based on the movie with the same name.

Friendly woes: Part 5

The Past: Final Chapter

=============
Cabby: I think we should take him down and interrogate him.
Frank: Stop talkin like u r James Bond.
Cabby: Think of her eyes filled with tears and gratitude. You will save her from death and she will...
Frank: Please stop that shit. I don't feel good about taking him down.
Cabby: Scared are you??
Frank: Oh Please! He's a potato for god's sake!
Cabby: He's my friend too. Take him out man. We can explain later. If it isn't him. But I'm sure its him"
Frank: "Alright. He's inside that barber's shop. Think we should take him now??"
Cabby: "Yeah. Call him out for a chat and we'll take him down over there. Hardly a soul."
==========
The Present (Or) Part 1
(Synopsis: Frank and Cabby lead Jones to a walk and a fight ensues between the two.)
===========
The Future:

Cabby was arrested and safely behind bars. Sentenced for life for kidnapping Natasha and hacking into an individual's e-mail. He was charged with attempted rape on Natasha. And for felony. Frank and Jones became best buddies after Frank saved his life by preventing Cabby from beating him up. He realized right fromt he beginning that Cabby was the one who asked for Jones' e mail twice and he was always the one who said Jones was the one. Frank felt stupid at being led into the trap and being so gullible. However he felt really glad for Natasha did give him a long kiss and a sweet smile when Frank and Jones rescued her from the Basement where Cabby had her hidden. Cabby kept repeating the line "Call yourself a friend??" and constantly spitting in Frank's direction when he was arrested. Now he is behind bars spending time counting his friendly woes.
=========
Lessons to be learnt from Natasha's incident:
* Never Share ur password.
* Always sign out before you shut down ur computer even if u r living alone
* Never trust Strangers u met online and do not divulge personal details.

Friendly Woes Part 4

Link for part 3
===========
The Past Chapter 3

"Dude! It's him." shrieked Cabby as soon as Jones left.
"Isn't it obvious??" said Frank .

"I don't trust the Police. I think we should do this ourselves."
"What on earth for? The police get paid for doin this. It's their job."

"The police get paid irrespective of whether they do it or not. Let's get our asses moving. If not for me do it atleast for that chick Natasha"
"Nah I don't think so."

"Imagine. Natasha tied to ribbon ropes on a black velvet bed or suspended if u will. Her abductor is stripping her and prodding her at her private places. Enter you. You bash 'em up and rescue her. You'll be her hero. She'll kiss..."
"Enough Already! I'll do it. If only to make u stop givin me sex scenarios"
=============
The duo decide to follow up Jones and see what he was up to. They stalk him for two days...round the clock surveillance. Amateurs makin a mess of things. Finally Frank gives up.

"We've been following him for a very long time. I don't think he's anything but a stupid fat guy on the prowl"
"I am positive he has her!"

"Why are you driving that so hard? What have you got against him?"
"Oh it's just that a day after he comes home she goes missing and he has the same email as some shcmuck online that she used to chat with. Don't u find it obvious?"
=============

Billa

Billa 2007 is a remake of Blockbuster 1970s hit Billa(Which was a remake of the movie Don). Here's my view on how well Billa Scores.

Storyline: Billa remains loyal to the original storyline with a few changes here and there that have traces of the Hindi remake Don the chase begins but still seems original.





Cast: The cast is well chosen with two hot babes and reasonably good ACTORS doing major roles. Well selected. Santhanam and Namitha's role seemed unnecessary.

Dialogues: Very Crisp and to the point. No unnecessary so called punch dialogues. Not too much of anglicizing either inspite of it being possible.





Cinematography: The film has a very refreshing look and feel. It feels like a breezy Hollywood action movie. They have tried a lot of Different Camera Angles and the tone is simply outstanding.

Screenplay: The pace of the movie keeps going up and down as the movie progresses. A couple of Unnecessary songs harm the screenplay.

Locations: Totally based in Malaysia the crew has utilized it to the fullest extent including panoramic views car chases and the use of SWAT teams and Police squads...the utilization has been maximum and goes well in favor of the movie.








Music: The background Score by Yuvan Shankar Raja is simply Exceptional and the remixes of two songs have been done well. The Ajith-intro song could have been better.








Stunts: Neat. High speed car chases and from hand to hand combat to firearms everything seems neat.










Costumes: The costumes and the styling done by the Director's Wife has to be appreciated...The costumes of every single person and the styling has been meticulous and it pays off pretty darned well.

On the whole the movie was very pleasing to watch. An action packed slick and stylish movie that didn't get boring at any point. Ajith's performance has to be commended. I'd give it Four stars on five. Given below are few images.

A Doc's Tale

Doctors.

People in white overcoats, whom we revere when we are sick and blindly believe in whatever they say. Have you ever been to a doctor who has said he doesn't know what your illness is? Doctor's never admit(it is not that they know everything) that they do not know. So when a doctor takes too long to diagnose you, he is not thoroughly checking you up...He is thinking of a smart lie. Never Trust your doctor.

Doctors have a million ways to earn money. While the cheap jobless ones(aka quacks)earn their bread by suppling college kids with Medical Certificates. The smarter ones tie up with scan and x-ray labs. I personally know of a doctor who refers every patient of his to the scan department irrespective of their age or illness..In the name of giving you a thorough examination(to be on the safer side they say), this highly respected doc earns 50% of the scan fees that you pay.

Docs give rise to a new breed of annoying people called Medical Representatives...Who want the doctor to promote their version of the drug. By simply substituting, say Neocin, instead of Crocin in his prescription for you, the doc earns money. Again there are always(90% Probability) medical shops really close to the doc's clinic. Again by prescribing you a few extra medicines(which might either be harmless or give you mouth ulcers) the doc earns commission. Apart from this, there are people loyal to these folks and give them the title of Family Doctors.

Ever heard of the Placebo effect? Its when the doc gives u an injection which contains only salt water(harmless and has no effect) it calms a highly nervous patient. Docs use this to calm those geeks who end up in hospitals and claim they are on their death beds. It has a very soothing psychological effect. Neat. But what if ur doc gives u such a shot and makes u pay extra for the shot?? Do u really know whats in the shot he's giving you? If You think thats cheap, then how's a doctor charging money for attesting legal documents??

The worst part of this entire scenario is, you have no way of figuring out whether ur doc is genuine or not. There is no way of knowing. Blind Faith is close to superstitiousness. I'd be glad If I knew every doc who comes outta medical college is trained good...but no. Again people BUY medical seats. Medical colleges demand hefty sums for these seats, which should rightfully belong to talented students but since some dud-heads have rich dads who buy them these medical seats, there are equal number of quacks graduating outta medical school. Its like buyin candy...Go to the store pay the money and get ya candy.

When u ask a medical college owner, he says he is in this BUSINESS not for service but for his own development. This is his living. He would gladly give the seat to a person who offers 50 lakhs instead of someone who can get in for free(Even though he has a 99.9985% who the hell cares??). And ask them why they demand such hefty sums, they say "They are anyway gonna earn it back after they become doctors" Its a vicious circle. Now u ask any doc why they make money from unnecessary scans or X rays..they say "The colleges Fleeced us. I paid truck-loads of money to become a doc. Now its payback time." In between all this money mindedness, the Indian Public is in for deep shit. For all I care, I don't want to visit a doc. Any doc. Its okay if I have a cold and a cough. I shall be more health conscious. I will not dance in the rain anymore. I would gladly sacrifice getting wet in this god forsaken rain than visit a doc and have no idea that he's milkin my ass for money.

My Mind is a Palace

My mind is a warehouse.

There are no limits here. There are no rules. I can imagine anything I want. It can be gross it can be wrong but as long as its in my mind, I have no guilt at all. I can imagine myself making love to another man's wife with no guilt at all. I can undress any girl I see on the road. All I hafta do is close my eyes. I can date my teacher, dance with a distant cousin and Imagine how hot a small girl'll be when she grows up.

I can imagine my enemies burning in hell. Their penises being chopped and fed to the dogs. I can imagine women whose holes get shut. I can imagine. And as long as its in my mind, I don't give a fuck. This is my mind. Mine. I can summon you as I please and dismiss you when I've had enough of your blasphemy. I am King. I am God. I am God-King, I am Zeus the King of Gods. I rule my world.

Your thoughts cannot enter my mind. It's fortified. And no technology can reach into the deep recesses. The dark alleys, the dead ends, the mud paths inside my mind...Only I shall know. My dark desires, my madness Only I shall know. No one is granted access. Sorry the vault is locked. No outsiders. Access Denied.

Every though of mine is stored. These are feelings. Not data. Not information but emotions. I forget a lot of information. I can't say if my watch has roman numerals or what make it is. I can guess but I can never be sure. My memory is poor...for facts. Not for emotions. I FEEL emotions. They come from my heart..Travel all the way up and get stored in a segment of my brain.

My mind is a warehouse. It has a lot of data. Tons and Tons of emotions. The moment I see your face, I take a walk around my palace. The different rooms. There you shall stand on display. Depending upon how much I like you/hate you, your position in the hall will be altered. Your lighting will be changed. But once I see you, I can get there anytime I want. I know the routes like the back of my hand. The moment I get there I can collect all the memories of emotions I have attached to you. Attached to your display image in my mind's palace.

I have never been bored to be alone. Yes I feel lonely but No I am not bored. I have my mind. I can quiz myself on the routes, discover shortcuts, rearrange displays and make modifications to the museum. I can recollect dark images and add color to them. Give them more detail.

In an Instant I know what good(or bad) you have done me. I can weigh the differences and arrive at a conclusion. I can decide to give you another chance or just walk off treating you no better than shit. I can decide if I want to explain things to you or whether thats a waste of time. In my mind I can always run you over with a bulldozer. I can trample you to death I can squash your bones like anaconda.

I don't need to fight. I don't need to get physical with you. I don't need a verbal dual. Wrong me and you're doomed for life in my memory. I never forget. And one peek into my mind, one peek into what I have in store for you, and you shall puke. Puke over your corpse which is just a mass of flesh now. But I won't give you the pleasure of visiting my palace. And if ever I get a chance to execute those visions I have long planned for you, I wouldn't hesitate. I would seek to actualize it to the minute detail. My mind is a lot more precious than yours.
==========
Inspired, to an extent by, Thomas Harris. Greatest Creator of all times.
Courtesy Dr.Hannibal Lecter, M.D.