Gilly Danda

Dear Gilly, take this bulletin and shove it up yours.

1. First and foremost, Gilly is an Australian cricketer. That makes him an enemy and you'd know why if you follow cricket.
   
2. Gilly is the captain of the Hyderabad IPL team, which is eating soot at the bottom of the points table, this inspite of having a scary team composition.
   
3. Gilly was not able to make a dream exit. His last ODI match, series in fact, was a big time sucker.
   
4. Gilly is retired. That makes him a crazy old fool out of his mind.
   
5. Gilly is trying DESPERATELY to sell his autobiography. Come on give the man a chance at earning a few bucks after cricket. Aussies don't pay big bucks like India, which is why Australian players suck up to India. So Gilly is attempting to cash in b using Sensationalism and this can be perceived as a publicity stunt.
   
6. Coming to the "monkeygate" scandal, Gilly was conveniently ill during the hearing so he had to read the transcripts to know what commenced there and who said what. If he had read that well, he would have known that it was Clarke who changed his testimony from being certain he heard "Monkey" to being unsure of whether he heard a word that sounded like Monkey.
   
7. If Gilly missed that from the transcripts, that calls into doubt his reading skills and for that matter, his writing skills as well.
   
8. I still don't understand why Gilly had to go to the dressing room to shake hands. He might as well have done it on field OR he could go to his own dressing room and shake something else. I mean, an Aussie handshake is probably the phoniest thing ever, wonder why Gilly is so obsessed with that, maybe he's secretly gay.
   
9. I refuse to provide any further comment on Australian on field courtesy and handshakes.
   
10. Let's discuss integrity if Gilly loves to. How about Ricky signalling out at Sydney test for starters? The kids in front of my house refuse to play with the "one-pitch-catch rule". Apparently Australian cricket has different standards.
    
11. How about the statistical consistency of Australia getting "favourably wrong" umpire decisions in all home tours since the 1960s?
    
12. Ok and this entire "Monkeygate" thing is about Symonds, who is busy fishing. It's a shame they're fighting over calling him monkey. He should have been called Goldfish instead.
    
13. Contrary to Gilly's claims, Australian cricketers are not TOUGH as they tout themselves to be. They are just loudmouths. If they were tough, they wouldn't rush up to complain to the Match referees when they get a dose of their own medicine. Looks like Dhoni's boys are getting too hot for Ponting's Children to handle.
    
14. Let's discuss the way Lee THREW the ball at Sachin's face. Now that's the aussie mentality. Ponting goes up to Lee when Sachin is playing well and the next delivery comes flying straight into Sachin's face, which he graciously smiles away. Reason cited by the Lee, moisture. That track was one of the driest ever and there was certainly no moisture when Lee was bowling that over. This is CHEAP AUSTRALIAN CRICKET.
    
15. Thanks are in order from the Sachin fan base to Gilly, cuz nothing could've brought out the respect we have for Sachin better. Thanks to Gilly it is evident that Sachin is the reigning supreme leader, naah...GOD of Cricket. Even Dada fanatics who simple DETEST Sachin have voiced their support, so let's thank Gilly.
    
16. Let's also thank Gilly for adding on spice to the ongoing Indo-Aus cold war. It brightens things up.
    

    
     

    Conclusions:
    

    1. Gilly was a tremendous wicket-keeper batsman, who on MOST occasions played fair cricket. WAS. Now he's shown us his true colours.
       
    2. Australia play cricket very similar to the guys near my college, who call themselves Karapakkam guys. They play smashing cricket, they look like faggots, their speech is simply intolerable, easily and readily pick a fight when they are about to lose. In sum, Australians are SORE LOSERS.
       
    3. Gilly has sold his pride and lost the respect we had for him as a great batsman. As pointed out, that's past tense.
       

Loose Strings Disconnected

Hi there, these are a few loosely, if at all connected set of thoughts. I know I could probably expand on them later, but before I forget:

 

Diwali at Mohali

..is what Ravi Shastri called it. And so damned right. You should have seen the fireworks celebrating the little man’s success. At a post match interview to NDTV, when the reporter asked Sachin if he’s all set for another twelve thousand, I saw the most enthusiastic boyish grin of all time when Sachin replied “Fingers crossed”. The thing that amazes me most about Sachin is his humility. Rewind a few years back, he’s celebrated among the masses. He’s technically the best, his performance is spotless and he’s by large the only member in the team that could fetch us a win. Its easy to let success get into your head. Look at Sreesanth, a couple of austraian wicket, his famous yelling-cum-belly-dance performance for Symonds and in an interview in Asianet, he claims to have forgotten his mother tongue. It takes a lot to have your head on your shoulder, when almost anywhere in the globe, people could recognize you.

I saw today’s paper with flashy images of tinsel town sluts Shilpa Shetty, Riya Sen, Koena Mitra and Rakhi Sawant. The article was about plastic surgery and some such shit. As I graze my eyes over the words, something struck odd, almost leaped out of the page. Hymen Reconstruction. Woah! Guess thats the true feminist weapon. Where you can really get equality for men and women. Both hump and there’s no telling how many runs one has “scored”.

Dinflation

Well if people can go about their “punny” ways at making interesting neologisms, here’s my own contribution. Dinflation is musical renaissance. To be more accurate it’s a period which sees a burgeoning of grunge metal, thrash metal and other such shitty metal bands who produce music out of noise, clamour, roars,growls and gut-wrenching, throat-slitting, ear-splitting screams.

Whose Lane is it, anyway?

 

Moment of truth, are you smarter than a fifth grader, successful and truly interesting and more importantly “original” reality shows are really entertaining. I don’t know if SRK’s show was quite as entertaining. Anyways, there’re these host of really original shows.

Pritam is not the only one who’s a bonded labourer of Plagiarism. Plagiarism is definitely an abusive term. If I can mash up ten songs and produce a rhyme of my own,  thats not plagiarism. It is only if I just lift someone’s tune. Some do it blatantly, and they are accepted, if they get to do it right. Some are the surreptitious type that jus pick up tunes from Thailand and Korea and "paste" their way to success. "Music in itself is a theft", said Ilayaraja. "There are only seven swaras, the rest is all stolen". I disagree. The swaras are the alphabet and every song is really well composed essay. And I bet there will be no "exhausting" tunes, so to say. Just that people like Srikanth Deva are not talented enough but survive in the industry cuz they have their dad's asses to lick and get their way into movies. 

Legally Homo

 

Highly interesting to note that People now can be legally homosexual and be involved in live-in relationships under the aegis of the law enforcement officers, who will spend quality time with wretched parents explaining to them that nothing can be done, that such is the law of the state. The police department has announced that Law enforcement officers are finally getting time to spend with crying parents instead of torturing haggling with innocent people for bribe or running around town “trying” to nab the terrorists who bombed our relatives all the way up to hell. Apparently they have arrested a ‘software” guy who gives misleading confessions every two days. Give the guy a break from the cath the cat – beath the shit outta it – make it confess it’s a lion routine. Its legal to be homo but not a Muslim or a Christian. It’s out there people, sooner or later India will be a Hindu State so Christian nuns and Parishioners can live more peacefully and in the sanctified surroundings of the Vatican while muslims can blow up each other in their homeland Pakistan. We’re just awaiting confirmations. Pack your bags. If thats what takes to make India safer and more peaceful, I’m for it.

Black MGR - the butcher

While the US is plagued with having to see a black, a super hot lady and a sick old bastard fight out their youtube wars, Tamil nadu witnessed the new kid on the block in politics. Our very own “Captain”. The cine star turned politician has promised the people a corruption free government and a solution to the power crisis. People feel that he has cleared the vacuum created by DMK and ADMK, voting for whom is like deciding between the rope’s noose and the guillitone. For a change, let’s go the butcher I say :D

The SHIT Philosphy

Disclaimer:

1) Sorry bout the long post, its required

1.5) Apologies to Dan Brown and hebrew followers

2) SHIT stands for supernova-hit abbreviated or super-hit or some such shit but not precisely shit

3) There's an overload of shit in here that I suggest people with weak hearts do not read this shit.

4) I actually wrote the starting paragraph as a comment on a fellow blogger's post and couldn't resist continuing with the thought

5) All paper used in the pictures are strictly "additional" paper offered at the examination hall

6) Ideas and models are not fully mine

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The SHIT philosophy is that Life is fulla shit. And life's basically bullshittin you. You live in a shit-hole, work in a shit -hole, commute in shit-holes. People you work for are basically assholes. People you work with are friggin faggots. Come on admit it, your life's shit. Thats the SHIT philosophy. Life shows you how hideous shit can be and puts you right in the middle of it.

My life basically revolves around two moods.

1) Shitty mood - where I'm throwing shit on everyone around

2) crappy mood - where I'm on the verge of going into shitty mood

Any idea what flings when I have mood swings? :D :D

Shit is like Mary Magdalene in Dan Brown's faux thriller Da Vinci Code. Its everwhere around you. There're hints that you can see only if you're looking for it. I mean look at all the euphemisms for shit we have..When your friend calls you dude, he actually means doodie, which in itself is euphemism for shit. And what do you think solid waste means? Its just a polite way of saying SHIT.

The SHIT philosophy was conjured up by me during my exam today. Its amazing how you can think of a million things when you're forced to stay up for three hours. The guy next to me gave me chewing gum cuz I drooled all over his paper and mine yesterday. So with gum in mouth, as I was adding creative touches to my philosophy, this guy uses his "origami" skills and comes up with a model rocket, which I affectionately call the PSLV.

Polar Shit Launching Vehcle.. Following are the models we designed for Solid Waste Management, India's pressing issue. Wonder where its pressing.

Communists, this one's for you. We have to give to society what it gives us. Society gives us shit, so we give it right back. Here's the idea. The PSLV, version 2 (for heavier payload, or should I say shitload), is put in this huge container that contains tons and tons of shit. On blast off, the PSLV launches shit in all directions. Everyone's shitted upon in a 5 kilometer radius. E gets equally shitted upon, so that's Equality in a fair and just society for you. And whats more, you never know where yours might land. Hail the Communists.

This is the PSLV, Version 2, heavier shit load.

This is the launch container that holds all the shit, which explodes upon blast off. Thats the staircase you can use to climb and fill the container with crap, Fresh or stale. We, being engineers, couldn't help but add more stability to our design by adding a lotta weight to make this structure more stable. Don't get me wrong, we only added paper balls since this is a prototype. In the actual container, we'll have enough "stuff" to fill with.

Bored with the gum, I spit it out the window and the origami guy hands me polo. Why on earth did the put a hole in the center of this thing? The mint, I mean. ;-) So they can call it a mint with a hole? I greedily keep it next to my eye and peer through that hole, semi-expecting skimpily dressed dancing around me but all I see is people in an exam hall writing pages and pages of shit. (sh)IT is everywhere.

Finally, If that thing you sit on to crap is called a crapper, the one who shits is called what? A crapper-er?

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P.S. That crapper pic was titled, From crapper with love.

Mission Metamorphosis

Some people they never fail to make you smile, just by smiling themselves at just about anything. Some call them the mentally retarded. As for the rest of this fucked up so called "sane" world, I don't understand how just about anything can get on your nerves.

I start my day with this ringing in my ears, which refuses to let go for a full five minutes. That's when I start hating, cribbing, complaining, getting irritated and uttering innovative obscenities. Just another day.

Picture this, you're sitting in a corner, preferably staring out the window and thinking of how many different ways you could torture a crow and along comes this guy, with a blithe spirit. How on earth can people manage to be happy? Are they blind? Take a look around you. There's misery, there's pain, there's hate and then there's me. This can't possibly be happening.

So I devise a master plan (note: not to rule the world) and start shooting out bad vibrations using the only weapon god ever saw fit for me, my blunt mind. I shoot out nasty anger-hate-filled vibrations and bombard his, well, erm..ass. Cuz thats the easiest route to influencing this guy..apparently he's a total asshole.





Music is a wonderful instrument. Give a kid an i-pod with predominantly hate-metal-bands or anti christ bands and in one hour you can see the transformation. First the face twitches in weird contortions at being attacked by blaring death music and then there's a "getting-comfy-with-it" phase after which, the guy actually starts liking it. And voila there you have a guy singing fuck-the -system or people = shit.





Metamorphosis. From Happy to Real.
Instrument used -> Music. :D
Mission Accomplished.

Straight down the drive

Well, how often do you come across someone who claims not to like beating around the bush? Do they tell you they're gonna cut out the crap and come straight out? I dunno if they do it deliberately or not but isn't saying "I'm not gonna beat around the bush" unnecessary? Considering the fact that you are not going to do so, why do you have to state that explicitly? Its as redundant, unnecessary, supererogatory, supernumerary and superfluous as can ever be. Some consider it a figure of speech, something that emphasizes the effect.

Like saying Complete annihilation. Annihilation itself is complete destruction. So complete annihilation is over-exaggeration which is another such word. "Over"-exaggeration. Hope you get the wind.

I really admire the characterization of Phoebe Buffay in friends for "this" "very same" reason. She's totally weird with her dressing and her improbable stories bout her childhood but the character is cool. In your face. She just tells you what she feels, no hesitation, no hidden grudges. Tell people how you feel and get it over with. Easier said than done, but hey aren't people always looking for more attitude? Or is it just me?

Anyways, I read a book thats a whole lot different from the crap Dan Brown or those CSI folks manage to cook up. The Protecter by David Morrell. See in Dan Brown, usually there are three or four different tracks that fuse into one and then move on. CSI is more like two different tracks crossing over each other. And the worst part about reading such books is, just when it gets exciting, just when you start biting nails, squirming in your chair and turning the pages faster and with ferocity, the author shifts focus to another track. End this chapter and move on to another and then when that gets exciting, he comes back to this. IRRITATING.

David Morrell , the other hand, in this action thriller puts forth something plain and simple in front of your eyes and the entire book is like riding a cycle on a slope. You don't have to pedal, it just takes youo down the valley. There're no sudden twists, shocking revelations or flashbacks that can bore you to death. He does however riddle you with unnecessary crap about military equipment but then I guess thats cuz he's done quite a bit of research. If you're looking for some straightforward reading, I suggest youo get yourself a copy.

Dedicated to Crazy old men

Can't you see you've lost it? 

You've outgrown yourself. 

You're too old for that now. 

In fact you're too old for just about anything.

Look at you walk, staggering like a drunk, when you're sober. Woner how you'll walk, if at all you do, when drunk. 

Look at your skin old man, look at it..shrunk around your eyes. look at your puffy face and its sagging skin lose all its vitality and squirm into your face. Look at your mouth, sans teeth, gums sliding over each other fighting to stay in a place. I know its rude but someone's gotta tell you..YOU'RE OLD!

Now lets make a deal shall we? You get out of my face and I shall never call you old ever again. Not that it matters. Your time is up old man..in fact you've had some grace period. Satan's on his way to get you. He'll give you a joy ride straight to hell, where you can't correct people's grammar, where you cant refuse small children their balls that accidentally broke your window.

Where you can't haggle or plea bargain demanding that people respect your age. I think its time someone reminded YOU about how old you are. You've lived for too long. Don't waste space grumpy get out. You're too old. Its time, your time's come. 

Look at you growling with hnger for power and control. now it does make my heart bleed, old man, that if you had a little money then people around here would be licking your ass and you could have sexy women with big tits nurse you but mind you I'm not one of them. 

I just hate to see you, hate to hear you, hate to watch you suffer old man. I love yu and I want you to die so you can come out of your misery. Either which ways, just die goddamn you! 

Look at you, dropping by uninvited,  giving advice and your "listen to an experienced man" shit. Don't bullshit me oldie, when you did what I'm doing right now, it was a different age a different world and a different you. I dont wanna listen to your crap. Now just shut your trap and live by that room you have. 

I promise you complete privacy, I promise you I won't come in there unless and unitl someone gives me the good news that you have kicked the bucket. Now the teenage girls can happily jog without having to help you across the road or having to listen to your speech about the "benefits of joggin" and "how to remain happy at 70" and your "tales fromt he past". I'm just disgusted oldie, I wanna come upto you and say hey mothafucka or hey homie but you cant understand can you? 

You're just a waste of space. You're the annoying bug. A liability. Its disgraceful of you to live. You don't deserve to. You're not young. You're not rich. No one respects you old man. Its time you silently passed in your sleep, save us the hospital bills. I don't hate all old men. I only hate those who think they're important. Who ASSUME they are important. When they have neither money nor love. 

You could be loving old man. You know you could be sweet? But no, your misplaced sense of pride, honour and dignity don't let you shut your mouth and listen. It hurts when you throw your sarcasm at will. I don't speak up to you. I don't say fuck you old man or up yours. Not cuz I have an inkling of respect. I just don't want to give you the pleasure of annoying me. You crazy old man..crazy old man.

Say hello to SMS from Google

It never fails to amaze me, the kinda stuff google can come up with. I've not even got over the Google chrome, sometimes cribbing sometimes being lavish with praise, but check this out..SMS from google. 

Up until now I thought this was just available in the US. Yes it takes you some time to search thru all the labs and come up to the indian labs section and then check out the SMs channels. Really cool..u can get feeds from news sources, blogs and sports websites..all for FREE. Yep, thats the best part. And its a steal, you can create your own channels, you can subscribe to channels, u can invite people to check out ur channels and a better feature, something I believe will put an end to those annoying group e mails, is the possibility of u creating a channel that allows users top publish stuff, so everyone in the channel gets that..kinda like the contact groups in your phone. :D

But I dont understand why Google doesn't advertise these things..maybe they can hire me :D

U can configure the number of SMs's u receive..If u r from in india check the link here(jus google it will ya?) and the FAQ section so u can get the technical know how on how what and whatever the fuck..

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cross posted at TechnoMumbling

Anagram Tales

Dan brown is not some expert with Anagrams, its just that he's as confused as I am. I mea, I could have done this a million times but it happens to me every now and then..I misread the tolet board as toilet. As much as I hate it I cant help it. Its just that my mind reads faster than it actually can. Here's one I found in the Popeye show, where bluto changes a "detour" sign into "Route D". And everytime my teacher goes "clear or unclear", I'm tempted t say nuclear. And although the following are anagrams, they don't have anything to do with each other..Bedroom and Boredom. :D

And that brings us an end to yet another blog post. Somehow my posts are becoming shorter but hey isn't that good for you? Here's a link where u can check out more anagrams, ambigrams ander.. kilograms.

http://www.wordsmith.org/anagram/index.html

That white lab coat

Off late, I have gotten into this habit of misplacing things. The law of missing things states "Thou shall miss things you misplace". So damn true. First of all, its this white doctor's lab coat, which apparently engineering students are also required to wear in their labs.

There are two kinds of people in this world. One, who look up at you with a sort of reverence when you tell them you are an engineer. Two, people who look at you with sympathy, disdain or sheer contempt. And mostly these are fellow engineers or people who know what engineering is all about.

If u r a first category person, being an engineer is all about being trained NOT to think. Thats right. The first thing the software industry teaches you is, "We don't need you to think." There're really qualified experts who form a "think tank" for a software company. All you have to do is write lines of code which gets you nowhere, which you know is useless and redundant but do it anyway. What the hell? They pay you big bucks. Like the saying goes, Shit happens.

I present you exhibit A. I just googled the words "Lab coat" and jumped to the wikipedia page. Okay so here's one line that jumps out at you "When used in the laboratory, they protect against accidental spills, e.g. acids". 

I'm a computer science students and its mandatory that I wear a lab coat in my lab. So I can save myself from the acid-spewing fire breathing LCDs I guess. Not just me, around two and a half lakh students in around some three-hundred-plus colleges do the same thing. No one asks why we need a lab coat in a computer science lab. 

Case closed. 

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Picture courtesy Wikipedia.

Gay Matters

American pie probably the best "romantic comedy"  I've ever seen. Ok but it ends there. Anything short of that I simply detest. 

Yep I'm talking bollywood. I mean this is a scene out of a "comedy" flick:

This dude he's blind so he comes to a party and instead of balloons he's brought inflated condoms. What are the odds of that happening? And how on earth is that funny?  

Okay next, our own Superstar's sivaji, save Livingston's expressions there was ABSOLUTELY 

 nothin funny about that guy-on-guy comedy with superstar and vivek in it. Come on, I think the society has to open up first and understand the gay factor before making fun of it. 

 And then come Abraham and Junior Bachchan with their new "comedy' flick which is out and out soft gay-porn.  I don't enjoy this stuff, please try to understand. Ok I'm not pleading on behalf of the gay community that has recently been supported by the Madras High Court (poof!). But then I'm not dead against it either. Sexuality Religion they're all personal shit. I don't care. I'm jus indifferent. Plain indifferent. 

But seriously gay comedies, they don't tickle a bone. I'd rather have the censor board do somethin about it. Maybe we can ask our honorable health minister to make a warning sign on those scenes..saying Being gay is not exactly legal but the court doesn't think it causes aids so go on and keep humping. :P

I don't understand why the courts have to talk about these issues, we are not America. We're not perfect there're other cases pleading to be closed. Judges, you hear me??

Alrighty then tata. 

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P.S. Sorry bout the pic, its the only one available as of now.